How to be a good guest

OK, you have been invited to play a round of golf with someone. How do you make sure you get invited back?

• Make sure you understand something about the round/event: Is it a charity/scramble (everyone hits a tee shot, you select the best, everyone hits from there, etc.) event? If so, offer to handle your share of the entry fee (it is for charity after all) and be prepared for the post-round auction or raffle.
• If it is a play your own ball event (e.g. a one-day member-guest) or just a friendly round, generally your host will pick up the cost of green fees. While it wouldn't be rude to offer your share (“Thanks so much for the invite. Let me know what I owe you.”), odds are your host will shrug it off. Keep in mind that at most private clubs, there is very little visible presence of money or prices. Your host might not even know the guest fee until he or she gets their bill. The one exception, even at the most exclusive of clubs, is the fee for caddies. As such, as a guest, you can always offer to pick up the tab for the caddie(s). Bear in mind, caddie fees can vary greatly from course to course. It is not out of place to ask someone in the pro shop, the caddie master, or the starter, quietly, about typical fees. Caddie fees with tip can range from $50 to $100 per bag. Even if you and your host don't take a caddie, if there is one in your group, be prepared to offer him or her a modest tip for helping out with tending the flag, raking trips, spotting balls, etc. Your host will appreciate your respectful and positive treatment of the caddies. Along those lines, be sure to be cordial to all a club's employees. It is the best way you can show appreciation to your host.
• If possible, come to the course ready to play. It is generally considered rude to change into your golf shoes in the parking lot. If it is a private club, they will usually have guest lockers or at least permit guests use of the locker room area for changing.
• Leave the cell phone at home or somewhere other than the course. Many clubs have banned their use. Some might have special areas for cell phone use. Even if your host bends the rule, don't you. If there is an urgent matter, try to find a spot where you can use use your phone privately and discreetly.
• Many private clubs have a club drop-off area. Make sure your clubs are ready in your trunk or back seat. Bring a small carry bag with your golf shoes and other necessities (sleeve of golf balls, sun block etc.) so that the club staff can grab your bag and you can head to the locker room.
• By in large, even the most exclusive clubs are welcoming to their guests. You will be surprised by how courteous and professional staff are to you even though you are not a member. Be gracious and feel free to ask staff for help in directing you (“Is there a locker area I can use? Where should I park?”).
• If you forget something, odds are the pro shop can set you up with whatever you need. Be prepared to pay your own way in the pro shop, but bear in mind some private clubs do not deal in cash or might put all your “guest” expenses on your host's account unless otherwise instructed.
• Make sure you know what time you are expected to tee-off. If it is a shot-gun event, bear in mind that practice opportunities may be limited and be courteous to other players (who will be both members and guests). You don't want to be the guy who occupied a spot on the practice range for an hour. Also, in such cases, as you take some practice putts, it is OK to putt just one ball (or maybe two) to warm up. On a crowded green, be aware of others trying to get in their practice strokes. In most cases, practicing chips or sand shots before such rounds can be a little rude; you have a crowd of people, and there is nothing worse than shanking one into club president's shin.
• If you are invited to play at someone's course, leave the pull cart, if you have one, in the car. This gives your host the opportunity and flexibility in figuring out the best means for getting around the course. Many courses prefer members to walk and to take caddies if they are available.
• At the start of the round be sure to select appropriate tees. If you know you are one of the better golfers in the group, acquiesce to other members. You don't want to be the jerk that gets everyone to play from the back tees or that looks like a fool when he bites off more than he can chew and slows down the group. If you are in a group with players much better than you are, it's OK to address that up front. (“You know, I would really like to join you guys on the back tees, but I am just a 20 handicap and wouldn't want to slow you down. If you want, I will play front the front tees and give back a couple of strokes to you long hitters.”). Their response might be “don't worry about it, you won't slow anyone down” and you all go off the same tee and have a great day. The most important thing to keep in mind when playing with better players: They were once in your shoes too. No one got to be a low-handicap without first being a high handicap. They will appreciate your honest self assessment more than misplaced bravado.
• Pay special attention to course care as a guest. The general rule is if you take a divot and it is intact with soil on it, replacing it is the best approach. This is much more likely to happen on generally northern courses with some type of bentgrass fairways. On many southern courses, which typically use Bermuda grass (broader leaf with shallower roots), the divots tend to shatter into pieces. When you do not have an intact divot to replace, use any available sand and seed mix. If you have caddies, they usually have some of the mix with them. If carrying your own bag, courses sometimes put tubes of the mix on some of the tees to carry with you. Often carts are outfitted with the mix. It is not out of place to ask your host or fellow players (especially if they are in a cart) “Do you have any divot mix?” Show that you are concerned about course care. If there is no mix, try to make the best with the shattered divot you have. At the least, try to smooth the area around the divot making it less likely that an ensuing shot will come to rest in the divot.
• Similarly, on the green be sure to fix your ball marks. If your host or another player fixes the mark for you, acknowledge it (“Thanks for getting my mark.”). It shows you are an aware and courteous player. When fixing a ball mark, do not twist or yank the turf. Be gentle, stab up and down and/or gently lift up the middle of the depression.
• If you end up in a bunker, be sure to enter and exit from the low side. Never go up the steep face of a bunker as this speeds its erosion. If you have a caddie he or she should take care of raking the bunker. One of the great debates in all of golf is whether to leave the rakes in the bunker or outside of it. Observe the other bunkers and try to follow that. It's not rude to ask your host “Do you leave the rakes in the bunker here?”
• Pace of play. One of the most important aspects to being a good guest is to move readily and responsibly around the course. Pay attention to honor on the tee and don't hit out of turn, just be ready when it is your turn. If you are having a nightmare hole, it is more polite to pick up than insist on finishing out. There is nothing wrong with saying “I will just drop one out there” rather than trying to hack your way out of trouble. If you have a wayward shot, something that is likely to be lost, don't bother to look for it (or at least look too intently). Play your provisional or just drop one in the fairway. Offer such a wayward shot up to the golf gods, and they might repay you with a return invite to the course.
• Along the same lines, if you aren't getting off the tee well, club back for a few holes. Hit an iron off the tee. Get yourself down the middle. It's not unusual that when playing a course for the first time, especially a nice private club, you will miss a few shots due to nerves. Play within yourself early to find the comfort zone for both yourself and your host.
• Private clubs often distinguish themselves with the quality and speed of their greens. Take care around them, but as tricky as such greens can be, don't spend 10 minutes lining up that four-putt. You want to be attentive and play well, but even though you may be playing a U.S. Open course, it is not the U.S. Open.
• At the halfway shack, if it is a public or resort course, offer to pick up the tab. At a private club, it may be impossible (no cash transactions). Just be gracious and don't overdo it by ordering lobster and steak. Your host should at least offer (especially at a private club) to stop at the halfway shack, but if it is slips their mind, you can always drop a hint (“I think I need something to keep going for the back nine. Is it OK if I grab something? How does this work?”).
• On the 18th green, it is customary to shake hands with the members of your group. Again, also thank and shake hands with any caddies in the group.
• The next day, be sure to follow up with a note of thanks. You may want to consider extending a token of thanks, such as a dozen golf balls. Also, reciprocating someone's generosity, by inviting them to your club, is a common practice.